The Black Kid

Why is it that when describing someone, we choose the color of their skin first? Why is that SO important?

Yes, people, my son is 'black'. But really, he's not. His complexion is the most beautiful, creamy mocha. But the obvious fact is that we are not the same color. Another fact is that I do not care in the least. He is 100% my son. When I go to school to pick him up, I look for my son. I don't look for the 'black kid'.

I love that he is Ethiopian. I love everything about him. We celebrate his birthland and his heritage. He spends time with children and people who look like him as well as people who are of other ethnicities. I don't define him based on his skin color, because he is SO much more than his absolutely beautiful skin.

There are times when my child is the only African in a group. I hope I can raise him to be confident and proud about that fact. I hope I can teach him that he is unique and special and albeit different sometimes...JUST as important as everyone else.

At a recent function, Little Man was the only person of color. An adult was rounding kids up, and announced loudly "Where's the black kid?". Ok, I get that you forgot his name. I get that you're old. But there are so many other descriptors you could have used: Where's the wild kid? Where's the cute kid? Where's the kid in the pink shirt? Where's Eric's nephew? Where's Daphne's son? Where's the boy missing a tooth? Where's the boy with the short hair? I could go on and on. However, none of that mattered because it was easier to yell "Where's the black kid?"

Luckily, my son did not hear it. Honestly, I was so shocked and angry that I was rendered speechless (I really need to work on getting my emotions under control so I can deal with these situations in a way I can teach my son to do so). Thankfully, my dad and brother immediately went up to this person to let them know that that was not appropriate. Other people, however, acted like it wasn't a big deal and asked: So what? It's as if asking where's the girl in the pink dress.

It's nothing like that and it's not ok. My son doesn't get it right now, so are we supposed to act like this is a normal, acceptable thing? How about 5 years from now when Little Man is 9 and fully understands the question being asked and is made to feel singled out, or embarrassed, or sad, or alienated?

I know this is what we will face from here on out. I know I cannot change the fact that people will identify him by his skin color. There are people who are still to this day raised to believe skin color means a person is less of a person. We live in Alabam@. R@cism is not dead, and archaic beliefs are not dead. My son is from Africa. We are different in appearance. He is what people here consider 'black'. I cannot change that fact that he will be judged based on his skin. I wish I could. It breaks my heart when I think of the hurt feelings in store for him, and I wish I could protect him.

My hope for him is that people will see him for who he is. I pray people will see his playful spirit, his love for life, his social prowess, his sense of humor, his amazing intellect, his compassionate heart. I pray that he isn't always going to be just 'the black kid'.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." M@rtin Luther King, Jr.